This morning was one of those mornings downright distorted by the stoned cold sober dream I had last night.
So I figured as I woke up, why should I rush on down to the courthouse and have my name changed to Achilles Promis in order to not see myself as a silly, middle aged man with a somewhat well-toned dad bod who’s okay when it comes to putting words in certain order just to make them readable when I could write them all down about the dream instead.
In the dream, I saw the domesticated wolves as a possibility for something more wild and borderline blissfully chaotic in my life.
So there I was wolf sitting for a few domesticated wolves in which I only knew a few.
There was Jax Bon Jovi, Lilly, Champ, Boogie, a chocolate lab named Buddy, and a sweet girl named Sally, all panting and drooling next to two dogs I didn't even think of until just now who answered to the names of Cain and Mable.
I had a box of Freedom biscuits in my left hand which I played like a tambourine and they all assembled, sitting in a perfectly aligned circle in front of me.
It was a chilly damp morning for September when none of them wished to go outside except for a quick lift of a hind leg—or to pop a squat in Lilly, Sally, and Mable’s case—and to try to attack and possibly kill the garbage man with every last ounce of their might.
In the dream, I spoke out loud to them before singing a song I just made up that went something like this, “what we have here my feral four legged friends are the best biscuits in all the land, and I’m a man who’s got the whole damn world in his hands.”
They just sat there waiting with confused and cocked heads, wagging tails, slippery tongues, and an unwavering amount of patience, just for one sweet little taste of a Freedom biscuit.
Buddy became embarrassed and somewhat shifty and headed for the other room, but I called him back with a whistle between my teeth, and said, “yeah Buddy, we are fresh out of bananas because the whole wide world has gone bananas, and because of all the supply chain issues these days, a plethora of bananas is limited at best, so be a good boy and sit.”
So he did.
Lilly, the meanest looking—yet sweetest—of the bunch became angry and started barking at Buddy who looked away intimidated and way to skittish to make eye contact with anything.
Boogie then rolled over with his belly pointed to the air, so I reached down to rub it, followed up with a few, “who's a good boy,” before he hopped back up on all fours and made a playful move on Sally, but Sally, the poor sweet girl, wasn't feeling like her playful self because she was obviously a bit under the weather, and hadn't pooped in a couple days.
So I whistled Boogie back over to rollover and shake, while sweet little Sally got a case of the runs, and headed for the doggy door to the backyard. Buddy followed, hoping to offer up a little good juju, or most likely just to sniff her butt.
And then, from out of nowhere Cain and Mable got into a vicious squabble and I had to separate them. Afterwards, I sent them to their respective kennels with the the mere point of a finger and a glare. Even separated they continued to growl at one another.
I then started singing an anonymous hymnal, while playing the tambourine of Freedom biscuits along to the tune, “Will The Circle Be Unbroken,” but it wasn’t particularly well received to any certain response from any of the feral pups, except that Jax Bon Jovi lunged at the tambourine of treats out of utter salivating puppy driven irritation.
That’s when I came to the harsh realization that wild animals don’t care much about written words, songs, spirituality or even philosophy for that matter, and thusly why they have chosen my ass to write up this quick little review and send it over to Yelp as far as my wolf sitting business goes.
This scarcely makes me a good writer, or even quite possibly a decent domesticated wolf sitter I thought.
So I instead, flung the contents of the tambourine full of Freedom biscuits all around the room and just watched in awe as adorable anarchy ran wildly amuck. Paws and claws slid and scrambled all around the hardwood floor before I decided to get down on all fours and join them.
Let there be blissful chaos instead.
Cordially & Lightheartedly,
Ryan Love
Comments