It has been nothing short of a miraculous fate that I’ve somehow managed to find my way gallivanting down such a spirally creative path that demands I give every last ounce of my ethereal soul to that of what I believe in.
And having been blessed by the good fortune of belonging to my very own free thinking thought process, I somehow have managed to leave myself with no other choice but to allow my blossoming mentality the opportunity to grant my heavy heart the permission to continue and try my restless hands at such a creative, unique, and life-changing experience.
And with a namesake such as mine how wild and wonderful it all seems sometimes, but also, sometimes not quite so much as one would think. Such is the mysterious nature of all things to do with love, this human experience, and the lofty expectations that come with my last name.
Is it not?
Yes, this life is all about choices, and the experience that comes from the circumstances of the creative decisions that one decides to make both day in and day out.
And as an homage to the reason above, I have made the stubborn choice on my own accord, that I haven't any choice but to continue to try and attempt my hand at these briefly written, inspirationally tactical, intimately instigated, and long-winded bulletpoints of storytelling that billow out like black smoke from the narrative of my old soul. Those in which pertain to this once in a lifetime creative path. A path of the like that I have yet to fully experience in this life, and just as well a path that I am yet to know exactly where it is meant to go, let alone if it's the right one to follow.
And if I did experience anything similar to this in lives long passed, surely I will never truly know.
But since I started down this creative path however many some odd years ago, life has been beautifully joyful and pitifully painful all the same. These unprecedented times of swift technological advances, of the socially viral streamlining of premeditated distraction and deliberate misinformation, which are merely for the profiteering of the great Authoritarian Machine pitted against that of the empathetic American Dream that my generation grew up with a promise of. Those in which have unfortunately had a way of swaying all of us away from what it is truly important, and that is to love one another without the conditions of “this or that” no matter fucking what.
Yes, our generation, those before, and even those after ours, have been, and will continue to be troubled, misused, distracted, and very much confused by the powers that be, and their overextended use of all things deceiving, full of mental trickery and spiritual slavery. Lest we all wake up, create from our heart, and do something about it.
Because despite all of the deceptive fear-mongering and the politically divisive mumbo jumbo the talking heads on television spew, I do believe that most every delicate soul that hides within the human flesh is still fertile in the sense of sparking their own sort of internal revolution via their own emotional outlet. That last bulletpoint of a sentence being directly aimed at myself, before anyone else.
But this my friends, I believe to be an absolute sure thing.
It is one hundred and eleven percent positively true that the combination of those pulling the strings behind the veil of corporate greed and their projections of religious division, and the ongoing superstition of Mother Nature's never-ending supply of all things resourceful, have indeed been very systematical in calculating their approach by slowly destroying—for their own monetary wealth and selfish pleasure—this extravagant place we call home. And hell, since I’m being brutally honest here, by also trying to keep all of us as considered we the people divided right down the damn middle just as well.
But there is hope yet...
Because how are we the people, ourselves—each and every one of us—to improve our immediate surroundings, and do our part to keep the landscape of unblemished love growing wild and free for our children to enjoy, by lollygagging through the pain, the confusion, and the chaos, uptight and miserable, without putting forth our best effort with the creative gifts that we have been handed?
Hmm…
Now, I am not one to imply any judgment upon you for not doing so, nor am I here to provide any false illusions about how effortlessly simple any attempt to describe my own experience has been upon this place, when in fact there have been many sorrows, difficulties, and they are great, just as there are way too many in the nature of my own critical doubt and self-subjectivity, which alone, mind you all, is quite considerable in size.
Though not only do I no longer require the written notes from when my experience began, the esoteric memos, the journals of pleasure and pain, the obsessive studying of things in which I knew nothing about, the legal scribbled up scratch paper notepads, and all of the sweet little poetic nothings here, there, and everywhere, that are of any relation to that of my past experience. Nor do I any longer demand to chew on the mental miscalculations and romantic recollections from the seemingly never ending times full of self-suffered misfortune, bad decision making, creative and intimate impatience, and my very own spiritual aridity—these mind you, are just to name a few—when mentioning my very own shortcomings.
And lest we forget the deep affliction between my own head and heart which has at times elapsed, only to resurrect itself in both a negative and positive manner.
This though, is a creative pattern that will probably continue to come and go for the rest of my naturally lived life, so I must somehow, someway, come to grips with myself and the choices I make—whether right or wrong—and create something beautiful, and of worth from it all.
Because now, and lucky for me, my exhausted and haunted memory in relation to these shortcomings has vanished for the time being.
Either way, it is as an instantaneous homogenized result due to my internal forgiving forgetfulness, and in light of my continual and eager search towards that of inward encouragement, that my burn-scarred heartfelt memory finds itself in a regenerative state because of my newfound confidence in the word hope.
The fact alone when it comes to the word hope, has helped to reinvigorate the vivid circuitry between that of my head and my heart, and has allowed the scales of the said creative experience that lay ahead of me, to recalibrate themselves to a healthy weight upon my own tired heart and broken down soul.
It is hard work though dammit.
The path is sometimes too dark to see, and I’ll absolutely goddamn guarantee you that some days it seems impossible to get the words down on paper.
One must also be fully aware that these are just words, and words are not always the best of means to express our thoughts and feelings, because what they mean will almost immediately be seen as something contextually different to someone else, a little distorted if you will, and probably even pretty damn foolish to most.
But to have a way with words that makes people think freely pleases me and only seems fitting for me, because that what is worth inspiration, value, hope, love, and wisdom to one person, will probably seem like a whole bunch of nonsense to another. Which could stand to be a sort of metaphor for the back story to the ways and means of myself behind the scenes, and my often melodramatic and misunderstood ways.
So that being said, it is to be consistent with one’s inward artistic approach, to establish one's name through all of the pleasure, and even the pain, with an incendiary passion for the creative path one chooses to follow, which will indeed take one a very long way.
Maybe even further than one could have ever imagined.
And I, to you, I do, I apologize for letting myself get in the way of that truth.
But it is truth, and it ain’t easy to admit. But I did, I let myself get in my own damn way, and now for all of my mistakes, I will have to try and make it up you in my own little way.
So now that that's out of the way, let’s get back to the experience at hand shall we…
See y'all shortly.
Ryan Love
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